Melissa Stookface
From SquackleWiki
Melissa Stookface is a heroin addict school teacher. She works at School School.
There is a rumor that she is pregnant. You wouldn’t know it from her huge stomach. But everyone knows she likes to take it up the butt so no one knows how it happened, not even her.
Relevant articles:
http://squackle.com/6773/stories/the-janitors-great-adventure/