Santa Claus

Santa Claus is the ruler of the North Pole.

Santa Claus has ordered the mass murder of several thousand elves in order to strike back at capitalism.

He gives toys to children by running a slave shop of elves. He whips them throughout the whole year so they make more and more. He infringes on the copyrights and patents of practically everyone making the toys and things people like. The toys are actually sex toys for children around the world, cause he’s a pervert. That’s why he goes around saying “ho ho ho.”

He calls his sperm “Ol' Santa Claus Magic.” He likes to make kids hop up and down on his lap every once in a while to stimulate himself.

He has a doomsday device known as the Electrosucker hidden beneath in the ocean of the North Pole.