The River

The River is a super hero whose eyes bleed. He scares people away with his eyes. He runs everywhere he needs to go. He employs torture techniques to defeat some of his enemies.

His costume is an over-sized shirt, sunglasses, shorts, and large boots.

His motto is: “The River, Your neighborhood super hero!”

He has a “blanket trick” in which he slices and dices up the enemy so much they become a pile of mush. He then places a blanket over the mush and leaves them for ASS to find.

His real name is Oliver Crane. He was a gardener before he found out he could cry blood.

The only computer he has is a 1983 Apple IIGS.

He was born ugly. In high school he was president of the chess team, the drum line, and the computer club.

He attained the gift of bleeding eyes when his mother, Madeline Crane, hit him with a pan. Among the symptoms he suffered from were hair loss from the sides of his head, a loss of two inches of height, and severe weight loss.

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Relevant articles:

http://squackle.com/8800/broadcasting-company/bleeding-eyes-the-river/