Crellit Kard

Crellit Kard is the roommate of Jack Smack and Cassidy Tulofong. He doesn't agree with the sole benefits of canceling cable and only watching streaming services because of live coverage on news channels being tantamount to his experience of living. He also occasionally jerks off to news.

He is of an unnamed alien race that can secrete a biological mixture called "Red Tar." This alien race is also able to teleport short distances and take a lot of damage while beating each other up.

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Relevant articles:

http://squackle.com/25325/stories/they-would-deny-it-was-ground-zero/